Advertisement

MELIZZA~ My life: [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
A CONSTANT WORK IN PROGRESS

{ MELIZZA~ livejournal userinfo }
{ THE REST~ journal archive }

"God wants you to know.." [October 21st, 2009 @ 06:18 pm]
[MOOD | better]

"God wants you to know.. it's OK. Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world
is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK."

<3
LinkCOMMENT

God is SO big. [September 10th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm]
God is SO great. I don't know why I'm always so amazed at every single prayer of mine He answers. I should know by now that with God, absolutely everything is possible. Everything. There is no prayer too small or too big for Him to handle. He wants me to be happy more than anything. He wants to be proud of me. He is constantly doing crazy-small and crazy-huge things for me and in front of me that only strengthen my testimony of the fact that He can do anything. Every day.

I know for a fact that He answers prayers according to the faith you put in them and Him. I know for a fact that He doesn't always answer prayers the way you think He would, the way you wanted Him to, or when you wished He would. I know that despite this, He answers them. He answers prayers in His own way, the right way. He knows what He's doing- He's a pro. He's not even a pro, He is the Creator. As hard as we may try to have an eternal perspective in all things, we're still a little short-sighted. We're human and it's only natural. Heavenly Father, however, is so big. He sees the past and the future. I honestly believe He hardly deals with the present- He's wiser than that. He has a marvelous work for all His children. He sets people and situations up for the future. He is not fond of granting instant, temporal pleasure; He is all about offering limitless, pure joy and eternal happiness.

I think I am amazed every time He does something because I don't realize just how big He is. I mean, you know He's big- huge, great, extraordinary- but He really is omnipotent. I think it's almost impossible to understand omnipotence because of our own limits. There you go thinking you know how great He is and BAM! He does something else to show there's so much more to Him. When I see how much He has done for me and the world, it makes me sad that we forget Him even for just a second. I do, you do, we all do. That's why He's so merciful, I think. He knows we're short-sighted and can't see things anywhere near the level that He sees things. He knows we'll mess up which is why He prepared a way for us to make it through by His Son's Atonement. Seeing all this, we think we should be falling to our knees every second of every day, mourning for His sacrifice and continually asking for mercy and forgiveness. You know what, though? He doesn't want us to be that way! How crazy is that?! He wants us to rejoice in Him, remember Him. Do you think He sent His Son to atone and die for us just so we'd be miserable and sad about it all the time? Not at all. He and the Savior would have essentially wasted their time if we were that way. "Adam fell that men might be, and men are, that they might have joy." Even with the occurrence of bad happenings, He wants us to be happy. How great is our God?!

I fasted and prayed about this one big thing for months, since last year, and I got my answer just this summer.
He doesn't forget.


Yesterday and today I prayed real hard to get an answer for another big thing. Who knew it'd come ten minutes later in the scriptures?
He is so constant in that He always answers, but
He is so unpredictable in His timing and methods.



My goodness.
Link1 COMMENT ~ COMMENT

Hanging by a moment. [August 3rd, 2009 @ 11:37 pm]
[MOOD | awake]
[MUSIC |Lifehouse<3]

I've had LOTS of free time on my hands spent sitting in the backseat of the rented mini van, while my stepdad drove hours and hours to our final destination: home. Naturally, I've been listening to my iPod. I decided to listen to all twenty-one Lifehouse songs I had in there and came upon a classic, 'Hanging By a Moment'.

Listening to it yesterday.. Well, I felt incredibly stupid, blind, and ignorant. Yeah, it's a love song. I always knew it was a love song. It was always one of my favorites. It's even Mickey's ring tone. Listening to it yesterday, though, I realized it's way too glorious to be for just any person. It's way too beautiful.

And then I realized.. It's a love song to GOD. I remembered Mickey and Vanessa both telling me at seperate times it was "their" song and laughed because I'm pretty sure if they knew it was to Him, they wouldn't have made it "their" song. I laughed because it is his ring tone and strongly felt as though I needed to change it because that song is to Him, not to him. I laughed at my blind heart and deaf ears. I mean, in general, I don't think it's that big of a deal that I didn't discover the meaning behind a song.. But I've listened to this song countless times! I should have figured it out sooner, ya know?! Oh well. At least I have now :)

I still can't believe I was so deaf.. Hah.

 
 
I'm desperate for changing,
Starving for truth.
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after You.

I'm falling even more in love with You
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until You make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with You

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take Your invitation
You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with You
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until You make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with You

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with You

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind


There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after You

I'm falling even more in love with You
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until You make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with You

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with You


Lifehouse is just wonderful, really. It's fun decoding which songs are about love for Him and which are about love for a woman. I mean, it really isn't that hard, but it's still fun :)
LinkCOMMENT

I feel super messy right now.. [August 3rd, 2009 @ 12:11 am]
But I can't wait to go home<3
LinkCOMMENT

:/ [July 22nd, 2009 @ 04:57 pm]
[MUSIC |May Our Praise; Leeland]

I really don't know what to do about the current situation.
It's happened before and now I'm not sure what to believe.
I feel so selfish, too, not wanting to try and deal with it anymore.

I'm so tired,
dead,
fed up,
sick,
exhausted,
confused,
frustrated.

I was told to trust and believe, but...
You're only human and bound to screw up again.
So what am I to do?

I think I'm leaning "on my own understanding" too much, now.
I think I need to put all my trust in Him.
From there, I don't know, but He will.
Link2 comments ~ COMMENT

WAKE UP! [July 21st, 2009 @ 05:29 pm]
[MUSIC |Leeland.]

The nation lost and dying
Searching for You...
Creation waits.
Children with the word of God
Written on their hearts
Show love to the world.

We need to wake up, wake up
Live like God
Pour out love
We need to wake up, wake up
Live like God
Pour out love

I know it’s sad,
That the gift we have
We keep it for ourselves
Most of the time.
The world is looking
For a love that’s locked up
Inside these four walls
Break the door down and shine

Our face is set
Our goal is heaven
Jesus, You are the well of love
We’ll pour You out
We’ll pour You out

Mmhmm.
LinkCOMMENT

I've been working at Cold Stone since Spring Break, now. [July 17th, 2009 @ 07:23 pm]
[MOOD | amused]

I'm wondering when I'll ever get tired of eating ice cream there, seriously. Bahahah.
I have yet to get sick of it. I don't see myself getting sick of it anytime soon.
People who work there are like "Oh, you'll get sick of it after a while"
I have something there every time I work there.
Thank goodness for nice metabolisms (:
Link6 comments ~ COMMENT

So I've been at my dad's house since Sunday. [July 15th, 2009 @ 11:13 pm]
[MOOD | chipper]
[MUSIC |Don't Forget; Demi Lovato]

I must say it has been highly enjoyable :) Since my dad doesn't believe in sleeping in, staying up late, or laziness one bit, we've been out almost every waking hour of our days.

Sunday he picked me up and we all stayed at my granparent's. It was nice. I always like going there. We ate and laughed and spoke and read.. the norm. I remember my brother started playing Evanescence on his phone.. And see, I'm kind of extremely sensitive to the Spirit. Even my dad said so. I kind of freaked out about it and told him to turn it off. Of course, I yelled telling him to, so that already dragged the Spirit away. I kind of stormed off to the car to get my scriptures and read in my grandparent's quiet room. It brought Him back, fer sure.

Monday.. Well. I'm not sure. I don't really remember. I know we ran errands for a bit while Alba was in summer school from 2-5:45 pm. Afterward.. I'm not sure what we did, either. Hah.

Tuesday was great! After picking Alba up from summer school we went to JC's house. He's the Young Men's president. He's also leaving to Chicago tomorrow. I don't know him well, but he's hilarious and awesome and I know he'll reaaally be missed. Anyway, we went to his house. Michael, Alba, and I. We waited for others to get there. It was a combined Young Women/Young Men activity. It was more of the fun kind this time around, though. JC made us watch The Count of Monte Cristo because he apparently always raved about what a great movie it was. DUDE. IT TOTALLY WAS. PLEASE GO WATCH IT. I thought it'd be kind of boring and long and lame. It  was long, but trust me- while you're watching the movie you'll be wishing and hoping it's long. Hahahah. It kept me on the toes the whole time. I screamed at the TV. Lol. I tend to do that, though.. talk to TVs during movies. I "think out loud." Then, TOTALLY last minute at around 10.30 we decide we want to go watch Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince. I was a little hesitant since I'd never seen the last one, which I heard was lame anyway. I got Raiza on the phone to tell me everything that happened, though. Turns out this movie wasn't really related to the last. These Regal theatres were LARGER THAN LIFE, dude. I am not up where I live, mind you. They were bigger than ANY Muvico theatre room. Dang. And the ICEES were huuuuuge! And delicious. I'm addicted to ICEES at the movie theatres. Without fail I ALWAYS get an ICEE, pack of Reese's Pieces, and pop corn. I don't feel complete without getting them at a movie theatre, hahah. We watched it. I sat between Jurissa and Andrea Melissa. I think she's so cool. PLUS OUR NAMES ARE INVERTED. I'm Melissa Andrea :) Apparently I've known her since I was real little. I say apparently because I have no recollection of this, hahah. This bothers me because I have the besttt memory for people. Oh well. The movie was good. FUNNY. Creepy. I felt like nothing really happened, though. Like it was the intro to the next part. I didn't cry when Dumbledore died, but I was literally on the verge of tears when that infatuated, crazy blond girl kissed Ron and he totally went for it! Hahah. We got home past three in the morning, I know that. OH! In the parking lot some dude thought he was totally cool and decided he wanted to speed with his cool, pimped out car. Right when he took off, though, a cop was on his butt and pulled him over. I was cracking up for a good three minutes straight.

Today, Wednesday, we went bowling! :D That was totally fun. We played two games which took FOREVER 'cause people were slow. On my team it was my dad, Danny, Michael, JC, Alba, Jurissa, Andrea and I. I was second-to-last the first game, last the second game. Hahahah. I was horrible the second game. I will say, though, the most epic moment was this: Andrea Melissa was playing for the other team because someone left early. It was hers and my turn up. I get my pretty yellow 7 lb ball, and am about to go when Andrea Melissa tells me to stop and wait for her. So I did, and we went at the exact same time, AND I GOT A STRIKE! IT WAS EPIC! DUDE! You dunno how horrible I was doing, but I was doing horribly. Lol. It was the fifth turn before my strike and I only had 10 points. Lololol. Oh well. It was awesome. On the way home Andrea, Alba, and I were begging for 'Don't Forget' by Demi Lovato to come on the radio. It never did :( Still fun.

Tomorrow I'm going home. And working. Hahah.

I will say I LOVE being in a home where they actually cook consistent Hispanic meals. We always have rice and some sort of meat and beans! :D Now I'm craving a slurpee, ICEE, and Lutz. Hahhh.

My phone charger died :( I think a wire in it broke. So lame. My phone's real dead. Idk how dead you can get past dead, but it's real dead. Hahahh.

And I'm ashamed at myself at the fact that the last time I read my scriptures was on Sunday because of all the business, but I'm glad to be going back home tomorrow and having the opportunity to read then and forever on :)
Link3 comments ~ COMMENT

OurLivesAREGreat. [July 11th, 2009 @ 11:13 pm]
[MOOD | joyous]

http://www.mylifeisg.com/

Just READING of other people's successes and joys makes ME the happiest person ever.
People today are ACTUALLY genuinely happy :DDD
Idk. I see too many sad people all the time..
Or too many people happy for the wrong reasons.
It helps remind me I have SO many things to be happy and grateful for.
Even the bad things. FIND JOY IN THE THINGS THAT LACK IT.
I love feeling other's happiness.
I have this site bookmarked (:
LinkCOMMENT

HE DID IT FOR ME! [July 11th, 2009 @ 11:10 pm]
[MOOD | amazed]

Indescribable, uncontainable-
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name..
You are amazing God.

Incomparable, unchangeable-
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same..
You are amazing God♥

LinkCOMMENT

Wow. [July 11th, 2009 @ 12:20 pm]
[MOOD | irritated]

To me it's really wild how much cursing turns me off. It sounds so dirty to me. It is so unnecessary to me.  I know you can get all your emotions out- without cursing. And if you tell me you can't, well, you probably can't because it's become so second nature to you. And that is sad. Curse words are included in every gap of a sentence now, it seems. What's the point in them? There is no point in them. Practically EVERYONE and their mothers (literally) curses. Curse words are even finding themselves in PG movies. What is that? Is that what you want to teach your children? I mean, they'll probably curse like a sailor later on in their lives, but is there any need to promote it at an earlier age? Whatever.
LinkCOMMENT

Nelly. [July 11th, 2009 @ 12:06 am]
[MUSIC |Picture To Burn; T-Swizzle (Taylor Swift, lol)]

I very much enjoyed tonight (: I want way more of them way more often, too! I liked talking and talking and talking<3 I can be so very honest and open with you.

Nelly and I watched I Love You, Beth Cooper tonight. It was okay. There were some funny and epic moments. But there were a lot of sexual parts and perverseness. It was real worldly. Cursing here and there. People were so mean in the movie, too! Yeahhh. I don't really recommend it. Not worth it for just a few laughs, I think. Then we went to go eat at T.G.I. Friday's. I WAS STARVING. And we talked and talked there (: Then walked over to Lutz where we each had two frozen yogurt samples. It was pretty good. And acquired taste for me. I'd love the original OR peach-mango with bananas on top, fer sure<3 There were so many middle school kids and freshman there. Darn it, I feel old now. Hahah. But dude, I'm a SENIOR now. Who would have ever thought it'd come so fast? At least I'm regret-less. I've enjoyed my three first high school years niceee and slowww, not every wishing it to hurry up. Time just came at its regular pace, ya know? ANYWHO, we sat for (what seemed like) the longest time in front of the movies just talking. I really do love talking. I am honestly conviced it is the best remedy. It either solves problems or releases a lottt of tension. I think bottling things up is really, really harmful. Gets nothing beneficial done, really. Then Nelly's dad picked us up and we went to her house. I LOVE HER TWO DOGS<3 They're Boxers. One of them was so happy and he even followed me up the stairs and just sat at my feet for me to pet him. I think he got too excited, though, and ran back downstairs. Hahha. In Nelly's room we spoke and looked through the Seventeen issue with TAYLOR SWIFT<3 on the cover :3 And through a hair magazine. Heehee.

It was fun. And I wanna go to Lutz, now. Boo. Hahahh.
Link6 comments ~ COMMENT

Birthdays & Christmas. [July 7th, 2009 @ 08:39 pm]
[MOOD | excited]

Is it crazy that I'm already trying to think of what I wanna do for my birthday, what I'm gonna ask for my birthday, what I want to do this Christmas season and what I'm asking for? I'm real close to even start making birthday and Christmas lists, bahahah. I do this EVERY year MONTHS in advance. It's kind of ridiculous, but I like making lists, and I make lists when I start thinking of this.

For my birthday (I'm turning 18) I'm thinking of either: a sleepover, going to Orlando parks, staying at a  fancy shmancy hotel down in Miami, going out to eat. Right now the most appealing are going to an Orlando park of some sort, or simply going out to eat and then having a sleepover. I'm thinking of asking for the rest of the money left to buy my camera (if I still need some), lenses, or a new phone. Or a red Chevy Cobalt? Bahahahh. They're so cute, AND under $20,000!

For Christmas: I want to make something for everyone close to me, whether cookies or card or gift. I want to bake for people a lotttt. I have the cutest book of the cutest holiday cookie recipes to learn from, too (: I want to write notes to several people. I want to be a lot kinder (I'll start that one now, though).
Link4 comments ~ COMMENT

Chicken & Brides. [July 7th, 2009 @ 08:13 pm]
[MOOD | relaxed]
[MUSIC |The World; Brad Paisley]

Jon picked me up today and took me to Chick-Fil-A to get lunch at around one pm. I hadn't eaten yet until then! It was absolutely delicious. I always get a #5 eight-piece with fruit punch. Actually, Mickey and I always get a #5 twelve-piece with fruit punch, heheh. We asked Sarah to come over, but it was complicated and she said she couldn't come (: I guess I missed the text where she said she could come, but she called and said "Come to your door!" and I was like "Ooh, yay!" and brought her in. It was happy-making. Jon, Sarah and I first watched The Princess Bride<3 Then we watched Bride Wars. I just realized we watched two bride-related movies today, what a coincidence! Fer real! Then Jon left during Bride Wars and Sarah and I were left talking about a million things, venting a lot and such. I love talking with her :) I get a lot of repressed frustration out when I do.

I'm really hoping I can sleepover Sarah's house Friday, mmhmm!
Link1 COMMENT ~ COMMENT

And I kind of honestly thought he wouldn't remember.. [July 7th, 2009 @ 08:09 pm]
[MOOD | content]

"You know I love you, and you know you mean the world to me..you know I miss you and with all of my heart want to see you, but today I just have to tell you.... HAPPY 11 MONTH ANNEVERSARY*! 8DD"

(*he kind of spells wrong often, hahahah)
LinkCOMMENT

11 [July 7th, 2009 @ 11:41 am]
11 months today. Dang.
11 is also my second favorite number (:
11 months on the 7th is awesome, too, 'cause 7 is my all-time favorite number.
LinkCOMMENT

*Alma 26: 11-12 [July 6th, 2009 @ 03:22 pm]
[MOOD | optimistic]

"But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God.

Yea,
I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name for ever."
LinkCOMMENT

ALSO! :D [July 6th, 2009 @ 03:17 pm]
I've been reading my scriptures, marking them up, keeping a journal with my reading, and excited to do so.
I've been keeping Him on my mind constantly, crying "unto Him for all things".
I've used my Savior's example to guide me in my actions.
I've kept multiple, incessant prayers in my heart.
I've been more patient.
I've been more kind.

All this.. all day, every day.

And ya know, I can't jump and say "I'm so proud of myself!"
It wasn't me. It was Him*, and I've never been more excited to say so.
LinkCOMMENT

There's a first for everything. [July 6th, 2009 @ 02:01 pm]
[MOOD | hopeful]
[MUSIC |Goodbye Waves and Driveways; TRS]

You know, since Mickey and I have been going out it seems we've kind of always been the couple to look to. We've both heard it before. We're the "real couple": the boyfriend and girlfriend that always talk to each other about real things, the boyfriend and girlfriend who are really one other's best friend, the boyfriend and girlfriend who fit so well together, the boyfriend and girlfriend who are "so much alike" it's creepy, the boyfriend and girlfriend who might as well be twins, the boyfriend and girlfriend that don't do anything (sexual) and don't need or want to, the boyfriend and girlfriend that have it good, the boyfriend and girlfriend that are lucky.

His best friends and mom in Massachusetts notice it, his grandma notices it, his family and friends in South Carolina notice it, people at school notice it. I've heard he's happier, he talks about me all the time to the point it gets annoying, and he's a better person. I am a lot more open and excited about who I am, and I've actually opened up to love while 100% maintaining who I am and who my friends are. I've gotten closer to a good bunch, actually. I've kind of "weeded out" through my friends. Not that any of them are weeds, lol. More like.. Some friends don't really encourage you to be better people, and those friends closest to me now do. I think your closest friends should.

We've been in small disagreements here and there that don't mean a thing, but we've never really argued or fought seriously. We've always been genuinely happy.. Except for the past five days. It has absolutely killed me and him. I'm not going into details, but it has to do with a lack of communication and connection, selfishness, heavy hearts, a lack of many feelings, and no opportunity to love and feel loved. An emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows, more lows than anything, for me. For the first time after eleven months we're actually not happy, have forgotten to set priorities and refused to make sacrifices.. And it's gone on for five days straight. Nothing but arguments and cheap shots. Who's right and who's wrong. Who should sacrifice more than the other. Who actuallly cares and how much.

I hate it when people ask me how we are because I feel like the biggest liar on the planet when I tell them we're "good" or "okay". I say we are because we always are, because I wish we were, because I'm guessing it will pass. I say we are because I don't want to explain why we aren't. Mickey, Nippy and CJ, two of his best friends in Massachusetts, were playing pool and were talking a couple nights ago. Nippy, mostly. He was saying how he always compares his relationship of over two years with Ashley to Mickey and I's relationship of almost a year. He was talking about how we don't do anything, how we're so happy, how Mickey talks about me all the time, how we're good. He went on about that, and Mickey said he was just like, "Yeah, but we have our problems, too." More honest than I was, at least.

After five days of pure mess and frustration, things are finally looking up. It makes me so happy. These past five days I've been so frustrated and sick of him, annoyed when I don't OR do talk to him, and hanging on the edge there. But ya know, today I actually woke up missing him, excited to hear from him, and loving him.. And this was even after him and I were on the phone from midnight to six in the morning (which I thought was completely pointless, while he thought it was somewhat successful and meaningful). Maybe it's the fact we spoke on the phone for once in five days that did it. I willingly stayed up late without telling him I would, and he willingly stayed home from sleeping over Nippy's house. That kind of threw me off guard, him not sleeping over Nippy's. He sets his heart on such things. I asked him why he stayed home and he told me "I'm not losing you this easily."

This week will be a good week. A great week. I feel better.

Ya know, I actually feel good about these past five days, too.. Like they were a test of our dedication or something. Sure, we were blinded by own our selfish wants and "needs", but in the end we were able to remember, reframe, and refocus. For both of us to honestly say this is the first time we've been unhappy in our relationship, after eleven months of being together, makes me feel good. For both of us to feel last night was a turn and was somewhat successful (him aloud and me silently, grudgingly admitting it to myself) makes me feel good. And you know, everyone has their problems.. It simply took us a lot longer to get to one.

Clouded by selfishness, I wasn't sure I was still in two days ago. Now with cleaned eyes, I couldn't be more in than I am now.
Link4 comments ~ COMMENT

Flickr [July 2nd, 2009 @ 01:24 am]
Look what I made~!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/melizzaaa/

My guess: the majority of the pictures uploaded on it will be of the sky.
Heehee (:
LinkCOMMENT

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]

Advertisement